Life and Death - Chapter 18 - Aster
TW for unnecessary character death. Aster is not making good decisions right now, and it is going to get her in a lot of trouble...
I stalked through the streets, my knives in my hands and a fierce expression on my face to deter anyone from getting too close.
And it seemed to be working. People melted away before me, with expressions of fear or worry, and no one came near to ask what was going on. Which was just as well. I was in no mood to answer questions while I was on this quest.
In the bag over my shoulder, I carried a pile of food supplies I’d taken from the hideout, Adyen’s journal, and some of the papya Talia had left behind. I wasn’t planning on returning until Lars Alfred was found and killed.
I had no one to help me. I had no leads to pursue, no connections to make. So I was going to take the last and also most foolproof option I had left to me.
I was going to search the entirety of Broton until Lars showed up. He could not hide from me forever. The emptiness in my gut was replaced by a hot anger and churned around and around inside me, like a fire that kept me going.
Almost every building I passed, except for ones that were far too small to house more than a small family, I slammed open the front door and prowled around inside for a few moments before leaving when nothing suspicious caught my eye. I was fully aware that I was probably causing a disturbance by my actions, but I didn’t much care. Most of these places were public areas like shops, so it wasn’t like I was trespassing. I did beat a hasty retreat when I entered a less than savory place in which all the occupants tried to murder me at once. Luckily, they seemed unwilling to traverse past the threshold and so I quickly found safety in the street.
I stared up at the building, fuming. How dare they? I nearly marched back in there and demanded they let me search the premises, but the Dark Hearts would be smarter than that. They wouldn’t be hiding out here. Besides, the informant I had been following had been heading towards the deepest part of Broton. I should start there and work my way back.
Kicking a stone in the road, I turned away with a huff and sagged slightly, my shoulders curving inward slightly as I stared at the ground. This was all so hard; the search, the hunt. And now Talia was gone as well, which meant that it was all down to me. I had no backup, no help, no one on my side.
Adyen would be on my side. I told myself confidently. If he were still here.
This is why I am doing this. For him. Thus reassured, I started walking again, heading toward the darkest and most deepest part of Broton I knew.
A subterranean river ran through Broton, originating somewhere below the cavern and flowing out toward the light. I reached this as the faint light that filtered in from the outdoors started fading, indicating that night was falling. Normally, this would be time for me to turn around and head back toward our hideout, but I wasn’t about to undo what tiny amount of progress I’d made today. Instead, I descended down toward the river, reaching the bank of a section that boasted several bridges, but was far from any docks and loading areas. There was less of a chance I would be noticed here.
Wading into the shallows at the edge of the river, I carefully picked my way under one of the bridges. Just as I suspected, the platform underneath the arches that supported the bridge sat out of the water, perfect for a nighttime. However, several of Broton’s homeless were already seated there, surrounding a handheld lantern that someone had been lucky enough to scavenge. I was about to turn away, but one of them raised a hand and waved to me.
“Hey, come on over! There’s plenty of room!”
I nearly refused, but I didn’t feel like slogging my way through the river for a second time, plus they seemed friendly enough. So long as I didn’t tell them who I was and what I was up to, I didn’t see a reason why it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I raised my hand in return. “Thanks.” Holding my skirts out of the water so they wouldn’t get wet, I covered the last part of the distance to the platform and climbed up on top of it. One of the figures rose to greet me as I moved to smooth down my skirt, a man in a ragged shirt and vest.
“Glad you could join us,” he said with a smile.
I nodded politely in return and took the empty space offered as two other people scooted around slightly to make room. Clutching my bag close, I examined each of my new companions curiously.
There were three others besides the man who had greeted me; a younger man, not much more than a boy really, and a woman who cuddled her young son close to her. The man was painfully thin, and the woman looked tired. The child seemed fretful.
“So, are you new?” The man asked as he reseated himself.
“What?” I asked, jumping slightly.
“New to the whole homeless thing,” the woman explained. “We haven’t seen you running with everyone else before, so we figured that must be your situation.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Yeah, that just about sums it up.”
All of the others nodded silently.
The first man held out his hand. “Well, you can call me Oliander, and you’re welcome to hang with us while you figure out the ropes. There’s more to being homeless than just wandering aimlessly.” He chuckled.
I took his hand but did not respond. They didn’t need to know who I was or that I had no intentions of staying with them past this night.
That’s right, Aster. Only give them information on a need-to-know basis.
“I’m Elif,” the thin man said in a whispery voice.
“And I’m Alina,” the woman introduced herself. “This is my son, Herry.” She smoothed back the child’s soft curls from his forehead.
“So how did you all end up on the streets?” I asked, hoping to distract them from the fact that I hadn’t yet told them my name.
“The same way most people do,” Oliander said, growing sober. “Couldn’t pay, so I lost my place.”
“Same,” Elif whispered. “My… stature made it too difficult to get a job that paid well.”
“We were thrown out,” Alina said softly. “Herry and I. His father…” She trailed off.
I nodded somberly. She didn’t need to finish the sentence for me to piece together the story. “I’m sorry.”
“This won’t be forever,” Alina said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to find a new home so I will be able to raise Herry with more than what we have now.”
Herry stirred in her arms. “Mommy? I’m hungry.”
“So am I, little one.” Oliander reached out and ruffled the boy’s hair in an affectionate way. Herry frowned and reached up to flatten his hair back down again.
Oliander turned to me. “We have food to share, if you need it. We don’t have anything fancy, but we have enough.”
“No thank you. I have my own.” I kept my voice soft and gentle.
“Smart girl.” Oliander nodded approvingly. Reaching into the large pack seated next to him, he started passing out food to the other three.
“What about you?” Alina asked a little later as we were all eating. “What’s your story?”
“My home was… taken from me,” I said, keeping my eyes fixed on the fruit I was eating. “I have no chance of getting it back now.”
“Couldn’t pay?” Elif said sympathetically.
“Um, no,” I replied. “The circumstances were a little different than that.”
Oh, how badly I wanted to tell them the truth, that my home was Adyen, and Adyen had been killed, and now I was on a journey of sacred revenge. But I barely knew these people. I didn’t know if I could trust them or not. I just barely managed to keep my mouth shut.
“It’s all right, friend,” Oliander. “Take your time. No one out here on the streets has a happy story.”
I nodded in acknowledgement and popped the last piece of fruit into my mouth.
Later that night, when the lantern had been doused and we had all lain down to sleep, I sat in the quiet, listening to the soft sound of water lapping against the shore and the stones that held up the bridge. Adyen’s journal sat in my lap, closed because it was too dark to read the words it contained. I traced the design carved into the front cover, exploring each of the little nuances with my fingertip as I thought over one of the entries I’d read a few days before.
Everything I do is for Aster, Adyen had written. Everything is for her safety and for her wellbeing. Is that a bad thing? Is there somewhere I need to draw the line?
This was no secret. I’d always known this, ever since we were six years old. I hadn’t always appreciated it, but I’d always understood why.
Until Lars Alfred had killed him and my world had been turned upside down. Now nothing seemed to make sense anymore. There was only my anger and the fact that nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Even if I killed Lars.
Being here among these people, a few ancient memories were starting to resurface. This wasn’t the first time I had lived out in the streets, but I’d had Adyen then. We walked everywhere hand in hand, begged for a little papya so we could eat each day, and slept with our heads on each other’s shoulders in dark out of the way corners. We hadn’t needed anyone then and we still carried a childlike optimism that had made it seem better than it was.
I felt like there was some kind of sad parallelism between that moment and the one I was living now. Out on the streets, nowhere to go for shelter, no place to call home, but this time I was alone, and I was far, far older than I was then. I knew better than to have hope that things wouldn’t be so bad.
“What’s that?” a voice whispered in my ear.
Startled, I quickly shoved the book back into my bag. “Nothing,” I said as I turned to find Elif’s face peering out of the darkness.
Elif tilted his head at me. “That’s the thing though. You’re hiding something. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you’ve told us absolutely nothing about yourself.”
“I told you how I became homeless,” I replied, my hands instinctively moving toward my knives.
“But not your name.” Elif shifted into a sitting position, seemingly oblivious to any kind of danger. “Not why you hold onto that book like it’s your only lifeline.”
Because it’s the only thing I have left.
“Because it’s none of your business,” I replied. If this guy started to ask a few other questions… I would be forced to resort to drastic measures.
“I get it… I think,” Elif said, staring out across the darkened water. “But it’s all right. Homeless people aren’t like the gangs. Trust and loyalty are a part of what helps us survive. And like Oliander said, none of us have a happy story.”
None of us have a happy story.
I bowed my head, and I thought about telling him. But I didn’t know how he would react to learning about our associations with the Dark Hearts. It generally made people suspicious, even though Adyen or I had never had any allegiance toward them. Also there was the issue of the revenge. After Talia had left, I was uncertain how others would react when I told them about my quest. It wasn’t helping that these people kept making me want to trust them either, but I forced myself to harden myself against that. They might be willing to trust me, but I was far from ready to trust anyone in the foreseeable future.
“Not right now,” I said. “Maybe later.”
I would be gone by morning.
Elif nodded quietly. “All right. But it would be nice to know what to call you.”
That was it. “I told you I don’t want to tell you anything!” I growled. “Now leave me alone.” As my anger surged, I felt my power do so as well, and my hands slipped off my dagger hilts because those were one of the few things I didn’t want burned to ash.
“All right, all right.” Elif raised his hands in surrender and prepared to retreat as one could in this confined space atop the platform, but I’d already been pushed over the edge by my own conflict and the man’s questions. Lashing out with one hand, I slapped Elif hard across the face. I sensed my power release into him as it flared inside me. The blankness descended.
Elif let out a yell of surprise just before the effects hit and he fell to the stone, gray and cold. The sound woke Oliander, a hulking figure in the darkness as he sat up. “What–”
Nearby, Alina stirred as well. I took a step back.
Too late. When they saw what had happened, they would come after me. My only chance was to leave no witnesses and make a run for it. That was the only way. Part of me knew I had messed up a lot of things by not holding myself in check, but with the curtain conveniently masking any kind of regret, I squished any such thoughts quickly. I had to finish this first.
As Oliander rose to his feet, looking around him in surprise, I took a few steps forward and drove my fist into his stomach. He fell and I sidestepped, reaching down to place my hand on Alina’s shoulder. She gasped.
“No…” I whispered before my magic did its work and she fell back. I turned to see if anyone was still moving, and I found myself face to face with little Herry.
He cowered against the base of the arch that had been sheltering us, watching the proceeding with fascinated horror. When he realized I was looking at him, he shrank back even further and tried to make himself as small as possible.
I checked myself. My mind told me it was wrong to kill a child, and even though there were no emotions attached to it, I actually took a moment to consider how I would feel once the effects of using my power wore off. I would be guilt-ridden. I wasn’t sure even Adyen would condone this.
“Run,” I whispered hoarsely.
The child obeyed, scrambling to his feet and disappearing into the darkness after casting one more terrified glance over his shoulder at me. I heard splashing footsteps fading as Herry waded through the shallows of the river to reach the shore.
Turning away, I stepped between the bodies I’d already left to pick up my bag, and then, heading in the opposite direction, I too stepped off the platform and waded my way back to the shore and up to the road.
I started down the street, determined to find somewhere else to spend the night, but out of nowhere, two men dressed in identical white uniforms approached me.
“Aster?” one of them asked.
“Yes?” I asked cautiously, drawing back a step. “Who are you?”
“We are part of the peacekeeping force of Whilin, the capital of Skaira,” the man responded. “And you are under arrest for multiple counts of murder. I recommend you come with us quietly.”
No. They found me. One thing I knew for sure, they could not take me in, not until I took out Lars Alfred.
Backing up a few steps, I turned to flee in the opposite direction, but nearly a dozen more figures in white materialized in front of me and both sides. I turned again, but I no longer saw a quick avenue of escape.
Almost before I realized it, they had had me cornered.
Audio/Video version: Chapter 18 - YouTube