Life and Death - Chapter 20 - Aster
TW: Considerations of death. Didn't expect me back so soon, now did you? Well, here we are and we're about to find out what happens to Aster since last time!
I kept trying to get my feet under me, to stand, but whatever the peacekeepers had hit me with, it had made my legs go completely numb. My limbs felt like noodles and I hung from the hands of the peacekeepers like a defeated sack of flour.
I’d tried to fight, of course I had, but there had been just too many of them. Too many and not enough time for me to either win or flee. Somehow, the peacekeepers had evaded any and all of my attempts to use my power, and only two of them were lightly injured. They’d taken me down and carried me like this all the way back to their garrison.
For the first time since this had all begun, I was utterly helpless. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t run… I couldn’t. I could feel a kind of exhaustion creeping over me, the kind that threatened to sneak into the very pit of my soul and nest there.
And I didn’t even feel like fighting it.
They dragged me through the stone halls of the garrison, brightly lit in comparison to most buildings I was used to. That was because the garrison that served Broton wasn’t actually in Broton. It was stationed in Whilin, the daylight city above our heads. I had barely even noticed when we’d passed from one to the other. Under any other circumstances, I would have been delighted for the rare chance to emerge from the darkness of the underground city, but.. not this time.
Down a flight of stairs; the edge of each step banging against my shins with enough force to bruise, and into the slightly dimmer prison area, where I would be left until the peacekeepers figured out what to do with me.
Execution, probably.
Stopping in place, one of the peacekeepers unlocked and rolled back one of the barred cell doors. The other two tossed me forward, and with no way to break my fall, I flopped heavily to the hard floor, grunting as I landed face down. Behind me, the peacekeeper closed and locked the door again before they all trooped away, their hard boots clattering away into the distance until there was nothing left but silence and the soft sounds of other prisoners rustling around in their cells.
For a while, I couldn’t move, and I just lay there, my cheek pressed against the hard stone floor and the scent of the prison pervading my nostrils. It smelled bad, a mix of something rotting, unwashed people, and dirt all mixed together. All I could do about it was try not to inhale too deeply through my nose.
Eventually, a prickling started in my fingers and toes and then proceeded to ripple softly up my body as the numbing effect finally began to fade. As soon as I could, I got my arms under me and pushed myself into a sitting position. Curling up against the hard wooden cot that would serve as my bed, I blew out a long, shaking breath.
I’d messed up. I’d messed up so badly. I buried my head in my hands.
Where had it all gone so wrong?
Adyen was dead. I would not be able to heal until Lars Alred was buried under the ground. But in between that… where had it all fallen apart? How, in my relentless quest, had I ended up here, in a prison cell awaiting death? How had I ended up with a trail of bodies behind me and blood on my hands?
Talia’s words echoed in my head. “This isn’t the way! If you keep this up, the cost is going to outweigh the benefits.”
And now here I was, paying in more ways than Talia could have possibly predicted. She had said that the deaths themselves were going to haunt me, but she hadn’t taken into account the toll of my powers and the consequence of ending up in prison.
Why were the peacekeepers down in Broton anyway? They never came down here; they were far too intimidated by all the organized crime rings to ever do much enforcing of the law in the underground city. And then when they did, they just so happened to be down by the river when I’d killed those people? They had called me by name as well, which meant that they must have been… searching specifically for me.
Because of the man I already killed. That was the only thing I could think of. Ironically enough, by associating with the gangs, one would receive some aspect of protection, since the peacekeepers definitely didn’t want to do anything about them. Not complete protection, by any means, the gangs themselves contained their own set of dangers, as I knew very well from personal experience.
You need to slow down, Talia had said.
I believed that I couldn’t slow down, that even a moment of rest would allow the crippling grief to come in and latch onto me with a fierceness that I wouldn’t be able to shake. That my quest would slip away out of reach I’d never get it back. That fear wasn’t completely unfounded. Now that I was trapped in this confined space with nothing to do, my thoughts started curving back toward Adyen’s death.
The dark of the night.
The desperation of his actions.
The way it felt to have him ripped away from me. With all the killing and the use of my powers, I’d effectively numbed myself from the pain for a little while, but now it was rushing back and it hurt more than I remembered it hurting. Half of me was gone, and while I had never been able to completely forget that, I’d forgotten the reality of what that meant for me.
How on earth was I supposed to live without Adyen?
I started to shake slightly as my veins buzzed with some kind of cold adrenaline. What if my actions led me here for a reason? What if I shouldn’t try to break out of here at the first opportunity? What if… I let go of revenge and instead just wait? Wait for the peacekeepers to come back for me when it’s time for them to lead me to the gallows and go quietly? Wait for the end to come?
It would mean no more pain. No more danger. Who knows, maybe after all of this I will be able to see Adyen again. It’s not like I have anyone left in this world anyway. Who would care if I died?
Yes… I couldn’t wait to see Adyen again.
I was almost ready to sit back and wait patiently for the end, but some small antsy part of me wouldn’t rest, reminding me that there was still one thing I needed to do.
I could not die without making sure that Lars went down with me. I didn’t want the injustice of Adyen’s death to go unanswered. I knew better than to expect the peacekeepers to do anything about it, so it had to be me.
And I wouldn’t be able to murder Lars Alfred from a prison cell.
The thoughts and the memories started crashing through my head again, faster and faster until they stirred not only my mind but my body as well, heightening my heart rate, blood pumping quickly through my veins, until my power itself reared within me, rising and buzzing with cold anticipation.
It’s time.
Audio/Video version: Chapter 20 - YouTube